Viel leute

It’s interesting; in the last week or so I have been doing a lot of thinking about life in general. I can’t explain it, but God has definitely been working in my life and has brought me to an interesting place. For so long I have been a fighter in life in everything I do. When I want to accomplish something, I will do whatever I have to do to get there or reach my goal. Which most people would say is a good quality to have, which I agree to a certain extent, but because of that when it comes to my walk with the Lord often I try to do so much. I often struggle with viewing it as a race with a finish line that is moving and because of this it drives me crazy since I am goal oriented. Lately I have really been focusing on trying to seek FIRST the Lord, rather than all the other things in life that so easily distract me. As many of you know, I love people. I love talking to people, being around people, meeting people, serving people, and just anything that involves interacting with people. The amount of people I interact with in Germany is a lot less than in America obviously because of language barriers, having fewer friends and as mentioned in earlier posts, talking to strangers isn’t the most popular thing to do. It has been lonely at times and often I miss talking and processing with people. Have you ever had the feeling of being surrounded by so many people, but still feeling so alone? Or picking up your phone because you want to talk/process with someone, but you look through your phone book and then just putting your phone back down?

I tell you this because I have experienced all these things being in Germany. But in the last couple weeks I am starting to see some of the things that God has been working with me on and one of those is being less of a fighter to a certain extent. Instead of always “trying” to do more, I have focused on just being. When I say that I mean instead of fighting to run this race, rather just sit in the Lord’s presence and surrender. I have noticed this with many relationships in my life that I have fought for for so long, but I finally have come to the point where I just don’t want to fight. And it isn’t a throwing in the towel kind of thing; it is more just looking at it from a different perspective. You can’t make someone care, and you can’t make someone want to be in your life, so why not cherish the relationships that are in your life that can be a blessing, rather than trying so hard to fight for the ones that God may be telling you to let walk away. People come in and out of your life for different reasons and different seasons, and there isn’t anything wrong with it. I struggle with this because I love keeping in touch with people and I love people in general, but the Lord is teaching me to just “be” rather than “try” so hard to fight for so many things/people that maybe God is calling me to let go of in one way or another. Maybe you can relate to this, I guess it has been a freeing process and let me tell you it is only the beginning, but I can see God working.