Elf

11 random things in life

Don't they look great. I'll take a picture of mine.

1. I watched a woman clean a bench that I was sitting on for literally five minutes. I wanted to offer her to sit on my jacket because of the labor it took, but then I figured she would probably want to run that through the washing machine first.
2. So, as many of you probably won’t believe I am very into cooking/baking these days.  This morning I made cottage cheese oatmeal banana pancakes. They are healthy and have lots of protein in them. Seriously so good, you should try them. Okay the first two I made were not really pancakes, more a pile of the ingredients, but at least it didn’t matter that they were raw because you can eat all those ingredients plain. How do you people make pancakes not burn on the outside, but cook all the way through? It’s tough. My last one was perfect though. I needed to turn the heat down and let them cook longer. Who would have thought? 
3. I am going to attempt birthday cake blondies this week for Lisa’s birthday and I baked some Oatmeal Chocolate bars for my brothers friend who I promised I would make a batch for and they didn’t really turn out. I mean they tasted well, and I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal to substitute light butter for real butter and vanilla sauce for caramel. My mom informed me that it makes a big deal though to use light butter. So long for being healthy. 
4. I have been volunteering on Wednesdays with a Christian nonprofit called Alabaster Jar. We work with women on the streets involved in prostitution and just go out and give them coffee and tea and talk to them about Jesus or ask to pray with them, etc. There also is a Café that is on the main street, which we open from 9-11:00 at night for them women to come in and make jewelry, eat, drink, and just hang out. It has been such a blessing being a part of this organization and I have such a heart for these women. It has been incredible watching God work and just how huge prayer is because it is a spiritual warfare on the streets. God is doing big things and I have a passion for this kind of ministry, so I am glad I am getting to be a part of it. There are 500-600 brothels in Berlin alone and at least 6,000 women registered as prostitutes. Many of which are trafficked from nearby countries. Organizations like these though can make a difference and can help rescue these women from this lifestyle.
5. My parents come in like six weeks to visit. I am really excited and Michael booked his ticket to come here. We are travelling around Europe and staying with different people we know around Christmas time. I am SO excited for visitors.
6. Next Friday, my team is going to Oktoberfest here in Berlin as a team so that should be fun to spend time outside of soccer together.
7.  I have a new friend named Jessica that is an answer to prayer. She is from America and she is a Christian that plays basketball in Berlin. We got connected kinda through the grapevine, but it has been neat to hang out and get to know each other. We went to church last Saturday together and just did life, which was refreshing. She is definitely an encouragement to me and understands sports, so it has been nice to talk to her.
8.  I have been reading Don’t Waste Your Life, by John Piper. It is such a great book and definitely puts things in perspective of what we are living for. One thing he recently wrote that got me to thinking was how often in life we say, “What’s wrong with this show? Or what is wrong with wearing or doing this?”, when really we should be asking, “How is this going to bring me closer to the Lord? Or how will this help me display who Christ is?” I realize how often I can justify things in life and really we should be always trying to be a light of who Christ is. Just been wrestling with what it looks like to be radical in my faith and not waste my life.
9. I have been craving pumpkin flavored things lately. Like for some reason I just want to bake lots of pumpkin things. The only problem is you can’t buy pumpkin puree in Germany so you have to make it homemade and that just seems like so much work. I think I will eventually.
10. Another thing that I have been thinking about is how often people tell little lies in life. Like they tell people they miss them or they are praying for them. When in all reality you aren’t praying for them and really you don’t miss them. Lately I have been really trying to only say things that I really mean in life. I mean why do we feel the need to say we miss people when we don’t? Or pray when we have no intention of praying? So now you know if I tell you I miss you or I am praying for you, I actually am or do. I usually pray right there in the moment. I want to be a person of integrity and I want to be real. I don’t want to say things I don’t mean. So often we can talk the talk, but we don’t walk the walk.
11. As much as fall means that winter is to follow, I am enjoying the cardigan, scarf, vest, sweatshirt weather. But what I do not enjoy is the being cold on the way to the train and then sweating profusely when I am there. So what’s worse? Being cold with not much clothing on outside, or being extremely hot once you arrive somewhere? I think I choose being cold outside. Nobody wants to be that stinky kid coming in from playing outside.

Viel leute

It’s interesting; in the last week or so I have been doing a lot of thinking about life in general. I can’t explain it, but God has definitely been working in my life and has brought me to an interesting place. For so long I have been a fighter in life in everything I do. When I want to accomplish something, I will do whatever I have to do to get there or reach my goal. Which most people would say is a good quality to have, which I agree to a certain extent, but because of that when it comes to my walk with the Lord often I try to do so much. I often struggle with viewing it as a race with a finish line that is moving and because of this it drives me crazy since I am goal oriented. Lately I have really been focusing on trying to seek FIRST the Lord, rather than all the other things in life that so easily distract me. As many of you know, I love people. I love talking to people, being around people, meeting people, serving people, and just anything that involves interacting with people. The amount of people I interact with in Germany is a lot less than in America obviously because of language barriers, having fewer friends and as mentioned in earlier posts, talking to strangers isn’t the most popular thing to do. It has been lonely at times and often I miss talking and processing with people. Have you ever had the feeling of being surrounded by so many people, but still feeling so alone? Or picking up your phone because you want to talk/process with someone, but you look through your phone book and then just putting your phone back down?

I tell you this because I have experienced all these things being in Germany. But in the last couple weeks I am starting to see some of the things that God has been working with me on and one of those is being less of a fighter to a certain extent. Instead of always “trying” to do more, I have focused on just being. When I say that I mean instead of fighting to run this race, rather just sit in the Lord’s presence and surrender. I have noticed this with many relationships in my life that I have fought for for so long, but I finally have come to the point where I just don’t want to fight. And it isn’t a throwing in the towel kind of thing; it is more just looking at it from a different perspective. You can’t make someone care, and you can’t make someone want to be in your life, so why not cherish the relationships that are in your life that can be a blessing, rather than trying so hard to fight for the ones that God may be telling you to let walk away. People come in and out of your life for different reasons and different seasons, and there isn’t anything wrong with it. I struggle with this because I love keeping in touch with people and I love people in general, but the Lord is teaching me to just “be” rather than “try” so hard to fight for so many things/people that maybe God is calling me to let go of in one way or another. Maybe you can relate to this, I guess it has been a freeing process and let me tell you it is only the beginning, but I can see God working.

Es ist egal.

I feel like every blog I right starts out with the same thing and that is well, where do I begin. I guess I just never know what to say to now make a post awkward and let's be real we all know writing isn't my strong suit. Especially on a blog. This last weekend we traveled as a team to Gütersloh for our second round Pokal game. The Pokal tournament lasts from August to May and it is to find the best team in all of Germany among both first and second Bundesliga, but obviously it is the first teams that win. We were playing to make it to the final 16 teams, and we played against Gütersloh, who is in our league. It was about a five hour bus ride, which I forgot how much I do not fitting my tall self into those bus seats, but regardless it wasn't too bad. We trained when we arrived on Saturday after checking into our hotel and then ate a "healthy" pregame meal, which was not healthy in the slightest bit. Schnitzel, French fries, salad, and then birthday cake. Nothing like getting ready for the big game.    The team had a dance party and I watched Roger Federer lose (what a pity). I was bummed. Our game was at 11:00 in the morning and we ended up losing 4-2. Towards the end of the game there was a fiasco because I went up to head the ball and didn't see one of my teammates so I kneed (not sure if that's how you spell that) in the leg and we were both laid there for a second and then our physio came on to help her. At this point in the game it was a corner kick, so we were on the field and the ref came up and told me I had to leave the field (in German obviously). Which I didn't really understand, but supposedly we both needed to because when the physio comes and gives medical attention, then you have to exit.

Well this sent everyone into rage because I didn't get medical attention so I shouldn't have had to leave. At this point the game is 3-2. I have no idea whether what is going on, but I leave the field and then one they take the corner my coach says, "Jetzt!" which means now, so I go running on the field and so does the other girl. Only for the referee to blow her whistle and greet us both with yellow cards, which was bad because the other girl already had a yellow so that meant a red. All in all I stood there dumbfounded because I couldn't argue the situation in English, and nobody was giving me directions. One of those moments it would help if you knew the language fluently. Today, I had another moment, but actually maybe it was just a dumb moment rather than not knowing the language. I was going to practice and a woman that is one of our managers put up her hand and said "fünf" like three times. So that being said you always greet the coaches, so I assumed she was asking for a high five since "fünf" is five, but in all reality she was telling me that we were in locker room five. So she got the high five that I thought she was asking for and just kind of looked at me funny. Then I put it together and realized she clearly wasn't asking for a high five.

I have been thinking a lot lately. Which I do a lot I guess. But I have been thinking about my future and what God has for me. It's like I wonder where the line of planning and trusting God is? Because often you have to plan, for example taking the GRE if you want to go to grad school. But I guess in all reality the Lord will close the door in one way or another. Sometimes I struggle with knowing exactly where I am supposed to be. And there are so many things that I want to do in life, but where do I start, because what if God doesn't have that plan. I understand to pray about it, but if only it was that easy. So today I made a list of possibilities. Tomorrow I will possibly write some pros and cons and pray over them. Not possibly pray, but possibly pros and cons. Regardless, I wish I could just get a message in a bottle. Or in a fortune cookie. I realize I like answers in life, but at the same time I love the mystery of the unknown. People always ask, if you could flash your future spouse on a TV screen right now, would you? I always answer no way, that is so boring. Because like we learned in the "Importance of Being Ernest", "The essence of romance is uncertainty." Good ole' high school English class. Those were the days. Roman noses. Unimportant details on quizzes. Plans to go on a "tangent". Well now I am just rambling, I'll let you know if I get a letter in the mail from God about my future.

Der Schrank ist offen.

Well it has been awhile since I blogged. I guess for a number of different reasons, but I figured today I have a little time so I will. Where to begin? Last time I wrote I just talked about how flying isn’t fun at all. I have been back in Germany for about two weeks now, and it has been great to get back into a routine, but it has been interesting. Honestly, I thought it would be a lot harder coming back than it has been. Partly I think I was just so overly tired that I was too tired to think about being sad, etc. But also I think going home gave me a greater sense of peace knowing that Berlin is where I am supposed to be.

Miss them so much. And Dad too.

This last week has been probably one of the toughest times since I have been here. I am not sure exactly why, but I think I just have felt like more pieces of the onion are being peeled back and because of that I feel exposed and at a place of brokenness. There have been a couple nights where I sit in my room and feel so alone, but there is nothing about me that wants to pick up my phone and text someone or even Skype someone. Where as in most cases I would do that, but the Lord is starting to bring me to this place of just seeking Him rather than busying myself with other things/people or even seeking affirmation from others. I think one of the things I have struggled with most is just feeling understood and here that lacks because you aren’t the same person since you can’t communicate the way you normally would. I think of my team and they probably think I am so shy and quiet because I am an observer. But then it is like when I talk to people from home, etc. I feel misunderstood because you can’t accurately explain how life is over here. That would mean explaining the culture, people; etc., which isn’t the easiest thing to do. Therefore, I guess I just have started to take a step back and just process my emotions with the Lord and wrestle through them.

On Tuesday, we had a team (AIA) meeting and Lisa shared an article with us that I found so true. It was called, “Leave the Cupboard Doors Open”. First of all I could relate because it started out talking about how open cupboards drive her nuts and as many know that is one of my biggest pet peeves is when cupboards are left open or shower curtains. Many times I ask people, how hard is it to shut a drawer or cupboard when you are done using it, but the harder question to ask is, “Why is it harder to leave them open with the mess exposed?” I think of when I lived at home, first thing I did every morning when I would wake up was walk upstairs and first shut the shower curtain after my dad and then shut Heidi’s door to her room to hide the pigsty that always existed. There is something about when we close the door we can pretend it doesn’t exist. This seems irrelevant to life, but in the article it goes on about spiritually how often we want to close the cupboards and find a solution to a problem or difficult time rather than just being okay with the open ended ness to a hard time. We quickly try to find a way to shut the cupboards, which so often can be more detrimental than the problem itself because many times God is using those moments to work in our lives. Then she made a great point that I never realized before and that was often when we go through a hard time whether that is a huge change in life or something as serious as a death in our family, there is always tons of support right in the beginning. Everyone wants to encourage and support you, but then as time goes on the support wears off and when you are struggling and want to talk about it, many people tell you to get over it or move on because it has been so long. They feel that the cupboard doors need to be shut and the mess needs to be hidden. That you should have gotten it together a long time ago, or that maybe you caused the problem yourself. When in reality God is working more than ever through this long, drawn out process and amidst the prayers and searching times don’t become instantly better. She goes on to write that closure is overrated and trying harder to look for an outcome will not make it easier, but rather embrace the open cupboard, deal with the mess, search through it and watch God work in midst of it. It was interesting because I had just been studying this scripture recently, which is Lamentations 3:1-24 and especially Lamentations 3:22-23, which says, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” I love these verses. They have been such a comfort to me throughout the last week.

So if you are reading this, I guess my challenge is to ask yourself what are those cupboard doors in your life that you are trying to rush and close? Maybe the Lord is keeping them open for a reason and don’t let people around you pressure you to overcome the hard time or find a quick solution, rather seek the Lord and watch Him work in your life in ways that He has never done before. It is hard and messy, and trust me I don’t like doing it, but I think in the end it will be that much sweeter.

On a lighter note, I saw the pirate again the other day walking near my house. I was so close to asking him for a photo, but I didn’t know if he would be offended. Maybe next time. It is starting to feel like fall here, which I guess it never felt completely like summer, but it makes sleeping nice. Below is a picture of something I really want to do in Germany. I saw it on a friend’s wall and I am determined to do it sometime in Hamburg.

Walk Water Balls