Leben



Three weeks from today I get to see them! :)

If you don’t know me that well then this post you may not follow or care to follow for that matter, but that is okay. I tend to just inform people of the events of my life and then say that I will tell you what I am feeling or thinking in the next post, but never get to it. So here it goes. LIFE. Sometimes I wonder what happened to sitting on letter “Q” in Kindergarten and not having a worry in the world. Or often I just watch kids on the train or where ever and how they hate napping and think to myself if only you knew how much you would want this nap later in life. Crazy how things are just the opposite as you get older. That was kind of a side tangent I guess, but yeah to be quite frank, it has been hard the last week over here. Starting soccer added a whole different element to my life obviously and honestly is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. You probably think that sounds crazy, but I never would have imagined either. Looking back on before I came here I always just thought soccer is soccer, the ball is round in America and it is round in Germany so just play. Which is true to a certain extent, but that doesn’t account for the communication part of it. It isn’t even that it is physically that hard as much as it is mentally and emotionally. God has been challenging me on different aspects like: why do I play soccer, and where does my identity lie and do I only like it when I am the best. I have sat through, given and heard so many times about playing for the glory of God and using your talents that He has blessed you with as an act of worship. All of this is so easy to say, but so hard to do and I have realized this in a whole new light.

I look back on last week’s practices and there were times where I literally wanted to just start crying on the field. Let me remind you my coaches speak next to no English, and some of the girls do but it is a lot to ask someone to translate everything for you, so in reality I find out a tenth of what goes on. I am always a step behind because I have to watch first, which sounds like not a big deal, but there really isn’t sympathy for that. Not to mention the game of soccer is a lot different of a game over here and so often I want to ask where I should be or what I should be doing, but I can’t. I never realized how much receiving the little bits of affirmation from your coaches actually helped affirm if you are doing the right or wrong thing. I get so nervous because I don’t want to let people down and then I play bad and then I do let people down so it’s this cycle. Satan was attacking me like crazy and just putting thoughts in my head that these girls won’t like me if I am not good, and then I will be known as the “bad American”. It all sounds so stupid, but it is intimidating walking onto a team of 25 girls and not speaking the same language. After this practice in particular I was just wrestling with the Lord in my head the whole way home.  Literally having a dialogue with myself.  Being like, ok Elizabeth why do you care if they think you are good? And what if you do never step on the field? Then I would catch myself thinking, but I am better than that girl and she plays, but then getting mad at myself thinking why do you have to put her down to make yourself feel better. Honestly just a battle in my head and then just wrestling with, do you only like soccer when you are the best and when it comes easy. Because honestly at this point, I just have to be mentally tough, show up and play and even if I get no feedback I just have to continue to guess what I am supposed to do. I have really challenged myself to be in constant prayer throughout practice though and pray for patience. The girls are all nice and some do speak English with me, but I lack confidence with my German and get really nervous, which hopefully I will overcome with time. This all might not make sense to you, but I guess for the first time I realized deep down at the root of me I have to know that in every aspect of my life my identity in the Lord. Even when things aren’t easy and I am not the best, because if you know me, you know that I do like to be the best at things and I hate being bad at things. The Lord is humbling me though and I am learning so much through soccer.

On top of all that, I have been reading a book called, “What’s so Amazing About Grace?” by Philip Yancey, which is really good. It has taught me a lot about what it looks like to love “different people” and in the world we live where it is so unnatural to extend grace how we can do it and why we should. Also how so often as much as we don’t want to admit it, we sin knowing that the Lord will forgive us. But like in Romans 6:1-2 it says, “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means!” and a huge part that many people forget about grace is that we have to receive it. This is through repentance and when we repent we are in a defenseless state. It is crazy though to think how often I can live life and forget to truly repent and be “defenseless”. To me that is like going into battle without a weapon and instead I choose to justify rather than become defenseless before the Lord. Grace is something I struggle with wrapping my head around and that it is a free gift. Then you put the whole Grace vs. Truth in the mix and it’s a whole different conversation. Well there are a lot more things that the Lord has been revealing to me, but this is a glimpse into my life. Maybe you can relate, maybe you think I am crazy. At the end of the day, even though life can be hard, God is good and I want to be able to say that I picked up my cross, denied myself, and chased hard after the Lord.

Lauftraining und eisessen....

So I figured I should probably blog since it has been over a week and a lot has happened. The last time I wrote I had mentioned how we had a tour here from the United States of 16 year old girls. My last two weeks have been mostly spent with them. There were so many highlights from having them here that I don’t really know where to begin because we did so many different things with them. They played five different games against clubs all around Berlin and then after the games we would ask the other teams if we could pray with them. They were all very open to this which was cool to see, but at the same time you could tell that many had no clue what was going on. After we would chat with the other Germans for a while, we would usually go out to eat with the other team at a restaurant or just in their clubhouse. The tour obviously to do a lot of personal ministry and grow individually, but another purpose was to be able to build relationships and be a bridge for the future of Athletes in Action in Berlin. We could use this team as a way to connect with people and help them get involved with who AIA is and what we are doing. It was super cool how interested the other coaches were and how much people want to continue to partner with us if we have teams come from the USA in the future.

On the Bike Tour in front of the Brandenburger Tor 

Throughout the two weeks every morning we would have team time for two hours. During this time one of us leaders would share about a topic. Some of the topics included Motivation, Identity, Relationships, and Boundaries, College Preparation, Cultural and various other topics. We had numerous times with just the girls and Wendy and me. Wendy came on the tour as one of the leaders. She is a soccer coach at Trinity International University in Chicago. I can honestly say this was one of the biggest blessings having her here and we had a lot of fun together. My prayer has been for a while that God would bring someone into my life that I can “do life” with and then sure enough Wendy came along even if it was only for two weeks. It is a small world because she is best friends with one of my college teammate’s sisters and we realized we were in the same high school conference and played each other.

Aside from spiritual growth and ministry with the tour, we also showed the tour a lot about Berlin and did various activities with them. That included: a bike tour of Berlin, visiting Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp, going to the Ritter Sport Museum, going swimming in Olympia Stadium pool, shopping, numerous German restaurants, and many other things. We tried to have a very flexible schedule so that we could let them have some choice.

Some of the girls outside the Stadium

One highlight of the time that they were here was bringing them all to a World Cup game in Wolfsburg when the USA played Sweden. Even though the US lost, it was still such a great atmosphere and experience for these girls. I think back to when I watched the national team when I was younger and it was my dream to be like them. I think on the trip to Wolfsburg there and back I laughed harder than I have in all three months of being here. First of all we were at the Berlin Train station and this woman was walking towards us with a red, white, and blue balloon. Thinking oh totally normal she is probably going to the game. As she approaches though, come to find out she has them tied in her hair by her forehead and they say Obama 2008 on them. I don’t know what’s worse the fact that she has them tied in her hair or that they are from 2008. So sure enough she was going to Wolfsburg and we just followed the balloons from a distance, which brought us right to the stadium. How convenient.  I always said to the girls, “Only in Berlin.” Just like when earlier that morning I saw a man dressed as a pirate walking away from the train station by my house. I wanted to ask him some pirate jokes. You probably won’t think this is funny, but I am laughing out loud just thinking about it. At the game we were sitting two rows behind this girl and then a he/she because I am still unsure of the gender of the other kid but regardless they were coming back from getting snacks and as the little girl approaches I notice that there is something white in her hair. I go to Wendy, “Is that Mayonnaise all over in that girl’s hair?” Sure enough literally 2 tablespoons worth of Mayonnaise are just dripping from the top of this little girl’s head and she is just acting like it is totally normal. The little boy (I think it was…) behind just looks up at me laughing and just shrugs his shoulders. I was dying, but then as we watch the scene unfold it was even funnier because the little girl reaches back and touches just one little spot and still doesn’t realize how much is in her hair. Then the dad switches spots with the other daughter and instead of trying to clean it right away he just sticks a napkin on it and leaves it stuck to her head. After a couple minutes he cleans it out but it is totally the dad way of doing it. Just making it worse and literally he could have dreaded her hair with this mayo. Not to mention the he/she next to them is just licking the ketchup off his wurst and giggling the whole time. It was hilarious, I laughed so hard. Maybe you had to be there. All in all the game was fun, sucks the US lost, but at least they had a sweet win over Brazil.

Before our game vs. USA U-20 national team

So besides the tour being here and being crazy busy with that, I also started soccer last Sunday. And by started I mean handed my life over to. On Sunday, we had fitness testing and then trained and then Monday we ran a ton at practice. On Tuesday, no worries we weren’t sore at all, but no big deal we had to play the U-20 USA national team. We lost, it was embarrassing. But I mean clearly we weren’t trying to win since we had two days of practice in which we ran a lot. The style of play is so different over here, and it is low pressure so it is hard to get used to. I played forward in the game, which I haven’t played in four years and it is such a different mindset than attacking center midfield. I literally just ran around chasing and attempting to defend at forward, which is difficult when your midfield can’t communicate which way to force the play. I really just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I talked more to the other team than my own team on the field. I ended up chatting with the other coach who knew my college coach and then since the US tour came to our game they got to talk to the other team for a while after, which was cool. Most the other girls play at schools like Stanford, Notre Dame, UC Santa Barbara, and for other elite soccer programs.

Since that game we have pretty much trained every day, except Sunday we had “lauftraining und eisessen”, which is running and eating ice cream. I think I would have rather not had ice cream and just not run. We ran for two hours straight at a lake which we jogged, and did intervals and hills. As most of you know, I hate to run and dread doing it. I have come to learn that I better get used to it. The difference is here I never know when it is coming because I don’t know the language, whereas I just dreaded it when I saw “FITNESS” on the practice plan at Drake. Our next practice game is Sunday and until then we have practice every day this week. My body feels like I got hit by a bus and backed over, but it’s okay because I am enjoying playing and it has been neat to see how much the girls have started being receptive to me. Whenever you show up to or leave any practice or game you greet every person there (even the coaches) with a kiss on the cheek or a handshake. Since I am new I get the handshakes obviously, slowly but surely though I am moving my way up to the kisses on the cheek with some of the girls. It is kind of overwhelming greeting people because to be honest we see each other every day. I like my team a lot though. God has truly blessed me with being on this team and I know that I am on this team for a reason. I will write more later this week. This is just an update on what I have been up to.