Ich schlafe mit meine Kissen.

Ich schlafe mit meine Kissen. Who would have thought that this means I sleep with my pillow? I don’t know why I think it is funny, but it is. Just like in Deutsch class the other day, one of the other Americans goes “Ich fahrt (said it like fart) nicht.” and all four of us Americans started laughing, but what made it even funnier she was like, “Bist du findest das lustig?” because he was supposed to pronounce it as “fairt” not “fart”. All in all, it made it even funnier because you could tell she was frustrated and didn’t get it. But how do you explain to eight other people from all over the world that don’t share a common language except for what we know in German what a fart is. I mean that would be an interesting conversation, and it’s not like we are going to act farting out or draw a picture of poop which is what we usually do. I think it might be one of those had to be there moments, but regardless it was really funny.

I miss you all!

Last weekend was really good; I got to go to the Hertha professional soccer game again, which was crazy. We got free tickets from the club, and it was nuts because there were 77,000 people there. I brought my host family dad with me because he use to play for them when he was younger and is a big fan. The game was between the first place (Hertha) and the second place team, so after there was this big celebration and trophy ceremony. It was really cool. The entire game everyone just sings songs together and waves scarves. Probably pretty similar to what you have seen on TV for an international soccer game. A bunch of my teammates were there so I got to talk to them as well. The little boy next to me kept hitting me with his stupid flag that they handed out, but I didn’t know the words to inform him so I just put up with it.

As much as I love the culture over here, at times I just get so frustrated. Seeing that I spend lots of time on public transportation, lately I have noticed how many people stare. Not even just at me, but in general. I am use to getting stared at because I am huge. And I am a starrer. I will admit it. But the difference between a German staring vs. an American staring is when the person that you are staring at looks at you, then that is your cue to look away quick and act like you weren’t staring. Right? Well here when someone is staring at me and I look at them, they continue to stare. Then I feel awkward so I look away, isn’t this backwards? Why should I feel uncomfortable that you are staring at me like you have something to say, but aren’t saying it? I sometimes just want to shout and be like what do you want? Just tell me, I won’t bite you.  I decided I am just going to make my eyes as large as possible next time because for all I know maybe they don’t know that I know that they are staring. Speaking of staring, people had a good reason to stare at me the other day because I learned my lesson about sagging (with a Minnesota accent) my sweatpants. Seeing that I bike everywhere I always just kick my leg over the seat and jump off. Well when I was getting off my bike at McFit, the crotch of my sweatpants got caught on the seat and I practically fell over on my bike because I was stuck. Super embarrassing, but I tried to play it cool. Don’t think it worked very well though, so I just laughed.

This last week God has really been teaching me a lot about myself and about life in general. I am reading a book called, “Changes that Heal” by Henry Cloud; which some people refer to as “Changes that Hurt” but regardless it is a good book thus far. The book discusses Grace vs. Truth and also just what it looks like to bond to people and why that is so important. Also, when that doesn’t happen what are the consequences. It talks about being vulnerable and how this is a healthy part of bonding. This is something that God has definitely been revealing to me while I have been in Germany. So often Christians feel the need to always act like they have it together or that everything is fine, but in all reality it is okay to be weak. The times when we surrender things in our life and release control to the Lord is when we feel the weakest, but often times this is when the Lord reveals Himself to us in a real and intimate way. I love the verses 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, when the He says in verse 9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I talked about this in the devotional I led on Tuesday and that night I went to worship night with some other Crusade people and we discussed Lamentations 3:19-33, where is says “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Later in this passage it talks about waiting quietly for the Lord and I think so often in my life I get anxious and want to know everything that lies ahead. Even now sometimes I sit and wonder how long I will be in Berlin. It’s like I love that I have no clue what my future holds, but at the same time it’s easy to worry and wonder. Like it says in this verse though, “…for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” God has been faithful thus far, and He isn’t going to stop being faithful through the amazing times and the horrible. Amidst the times I feel weak, He is going to continue to be my Portion every day. So there ya have it, those are some of my thoughts lately.

On a lighter note, meine Mutter here gave me a basket for my new bike and I am pumped. Now I don’t have to hold things while I bike. I got my first flat tire the other day, which was so annoying. Good thing my brother was with though and helped me. Also, I was speaking in German in my dream the other night. I am not sure what that means, but it was a weird dream to begin with. I mean let’s be real I was probably just throwing out random German furniture terms and some food terms, but it was somewhat of a benchmark in my learning. I know a lot of things in German at this point, but I just get so nervous to speak in public. Plus I am super slow. When someone starts speaking to me in German I go blank and just stare at them and usually resort to, “Ich kann kein Deutsch” depending on the situation. The Umlauts still continue to kill me because I can’t say them no matter how much I practice. I need to learn German ASAP though because I am going to coach at a soccer camp in Southern Germany in a couple weeks and I need to communicate something to the kids. But knowing Berlin German is a different world compared to Southern Germany dialect. Oh well. I guess that is all that is new in my life. Right now, I attempting to not be OCD about my bedroom and let it get messy, but it is driving me crazy and I want to clean it so bad. I probably will give in. I am always going to title my blogs with German phrases that way whoever wants to read can learn too!